Feature Articles
Talking with children
about the September 11th anniversary
Kimberly Keller, M.S., CFLE; Sandi Lillard, MSW, LCSW; and Kim Leon, former Human Development & Family Studies Specialist, University of Missouri Extension
Activities that promote patriotism or that recognize the importance of police and firefighters may be appropriate activities for schools to commemorate the Sept 11th terrorist events with school-age children
The Sept 11th terrorist incident was very upsetting
to my child, how should I handle the upcoming anniversary?
Talk with your child when she seems interested, letting her finish
her thoughts and sentences. It may be tempting to finish them for
her, but hearing all that she has to say shows that you value her
thoughts and feelings. If you are too busy to give your child your
full attention, set a time when you can talk and listen comfortably
— and make sure you are able to give your undivided attention at
that set time.
When discussing this and other disasters, talk openly and honestly
while keeping in mind your child's age and level of development.
Children, especially young children, can be frightened by too many
details. If your child was born before the September 11 events,
keep in mind that your child has very different developmental skills
now than she did back in 2001. For a child of any age, use language
that he/she can understand and don't be afraid to say "I don't know"
if you don't know the answer. Let your child know that sometimes
things happen that are confusing to adults too, and reassure your
child that you will always try to keep her safe. Talk with each
child individually, if possible. This helps to meet their different
needs for information and keeps any one child from taking over the
conversation.
Should I let my children watch television on
Sept 11th when they are replaying the destruction of the World Trade
Centers?
Repeatedly watching disaster footage can be disturbing to anyone,
not just children. Try to plan which programs your family will watch.
Planning ahead gives you time to decide whether programs are in
your child's best interest. It also gives you a chance to plan your
family's schedules so that you can watch adult programs, such as
the news, without your child. Unless you keep the television completely
off during the day, you will see some information about Sept. 11th.
Already many television stations have announced some of the types
of shows they will be showing — commemorations, historical shows,
patriotic shows, documentaries, etc.
Don't just leave the TV on. Choose programs that will provide
the information or experiences that will be educational or healing
experiences for your family. Think about including programming geared
toward your child's age and level of development. Talking with your
child about the programs you watch will help you to connect as a
family and clear up confusing information. This is an important
time to talk about safety, war, peace, forgiveness and many other
issues.
Are there appropriate ways for our school to
commemorate the Sept 11th terrorist events with school-age children?
Although it is important to honor those who were lost that day,
it may be most helpful for children to focus their energies in a
positive way. For example, activities that promote patriotism or
that recognize the importance of police and firefighters may be
appropriate activities. Another idea would be to focus on activities
that would help make your community a better place, such as planting
flower gardens or forming a recycling drive. This is also a good
opportunity to discuss diversity, tolerance and discrimination.
Should our preschool do anything special on
the Sept 11th anniversary?
It is important to answer children's questions if they're curious,
but remember that these events probably happened before they were
born. Younger children may not have specific memories of the events,
but the anniversary may trigger an emotional memory. Children are
also affected by their parents' emotions. For both of these reasons
it is possible to see some signs of stress in children. It is also
important to keep in mind with children this age that graphic details
may be disturbing. Even an overheard comment from one teacher to
another can activate a child's fears. If your preschool would like
to plan an activity consistent with other commemorative events,
keep it simple — you do not need to address the specific events
that happened. However, you may plan a day where the children learn
about firefighters, police officers or other civic leaders. Or you
might present activities that emphasize that everyone is equal,
even though no two of us are exactly alike.
Staff at our child care center are worried
about how the children in our care might be affected by the September
11 anniversary. What might alert us to children who are distressed
by what they see on television or hear from parents or older children?
Children don't always have the verbal skills to identify or talk about what's bothering them. The best way to tell how children are feeling is to watch their behavior. Young children respond to distressing or frightening events in a variety of ways. Some signs of stress in young children are:
- Behavior the child had outgrown, such as thumb sucking, toilet accidents, bedwetting or relying on a security object like a blanket or stuffed animal.
- Aggressive behavior
- Withdrawn behavior
- Acting out the stressful event in play, using aggressive play themes or drawing pictures of the stressful event
- Clinginess with parents or teachers; difficulty separating from parents
- Moodiness, fussiness or tantrums
- Physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomachaches; changes in appetite or sleep patterns
- Resistance to routine events such as meals, nap or bedtime.
It is important to keep in mind that many preschool-age children
show these behaviors from time to time. The key thing to look for
is a significant increase in the above behaviors or behavior that
is not typical for the particular child.
Who can I talk to about other questions regarding
the 9-11 Anniversary?
One of the important ways that parents can cope with any type of stressful situation, including issues related to the Sept 11th anniversary, is by seeking help from others.
ParentLink,
through the University of Missouri, has information and resources
to help parents deal with issues related to discipline, sexuality,
special health needs and much more. ParentLink also has a WarmLine
that is answered by professionals who are willing to talk through
stressful issues. You can call the WarmLine at 1-800-552-8522 from
8:00 a.m.-5:00 p.m. Monday-Friday, or you can email ParentLink at
parentlink@missouri.edu.
What are some resources and activities for
parents and teachers to use during Sept 11 anniversary events?
Helping America Cope — This updated guide contains
information and activities to help parents and children cope with
the anniversary of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, and
will assist with fears and feelings in the wake of the attacks,
the ongoing war on terrorism and continued terrorist threats. The
book is designed for use with children 6-12 years of age, however
many of the activities have effectively been adapted for use with
older children.
ParentLink's Tips for Helping Children Overcome Prejudice
http://education.missouri.edu/orgs/parentlink/predjudice.php
ParentLink's Tips for Helping Your Children Deal with Tragic
Events
http://education.missouri.edu/orgs/parentlink/tragedy.php
Talking to Children About Terrorism and Armed Conflict
by Judith A. Myers-Walls
Here is an excellent summary of research and practical suggestions
about talking to children about war and terrorism. This is good
resource for educators who want to understand about the most effective
ways to work with children on these issues. This article was written
after the 9-11 terrorist attack on the World Trade Center.
Terrorism and Children by Judith A. Myers-Walls
This is a collection of resources and ideas about helping children
deal with war and terrorism in general. This may be most helpful
as background material for teachers.
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Last update: Tuesday, September 06, 2011
