Feature Article
Stages Of Stepfamily Development
Diane Kerns, Human Development Specialist, Livingston County, University of Missouri Extension
Most stepfamilies start and continue through several
stages of development while building their new family
relationships. The following is taken from Step by Step:
Creating Strong Stepfamilies by Kim Leon, former
Assistant Professor and State Specialist with University
of Missouri Extension.
Honeymoon/Fantasy Stage:
During this time adults in the family may feel very
positive about the relationships with the family, while
children may have mixed feelings. Adults and children
have differing thoughts and expectations (parents may
expect instant “love” between stepfamily members while
children may fantasize about biological parents
reuniting).
Chaos Stage:
Children may feel they are being disloyal to a parent if
they begin liking the stepparent. Parents may desire a
relationship similar to their first while feeling like
they are in the “middle” of their new mate and their
children. Some stepparents may feel left out while
struggling with conflicts about money, discipline,
household routines and rules.
Awareness Stage:
During this stage adults become aware that problems are
common and that changes may need to occur, yet family
members also realize that they can only change their own
behavior.
Action Stage:
Issues are identified and addressed, sometimes by way of
a support group or counseling. Adults unify to
strengthen their own relationship and try hard to
understand how each family member feels about individual
situations.
Commitment Stage:
Relationships become stronger as stepfamilies realize
that by working together, they can work things out and
begin building their own history and traditions.
Last Updated 05/06/2008
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