Talking with Children about the September 11th AnniversaryKimberly J. M. Keller, M.S., CFLE, Sandi Lillard, MSW, LCSW, ParentLink, University of Missouri Extension. Kim Leon, Former Human Development & Family Studies, University of Missouri Extension
Activities that promote patriotism or that recognize the importance of police and firefighters may be appropriate activities for schools to commemorate the Sept 11th terrorist events with school-age children |
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Should I let my children watch television on Sept 11th when they
are replaying the destruction of the World Trade Centers?
Repeatedly watching disaster footage can be disturbing to
anyone, not just children. Try to plan which programs your
family will watch. Planning ahead gives you time to decide
whether programs are in your child's best interest. It also
gives you a chance to plan your family's schedules so that you
can watch adult programs, such as the news, without your child.
Unless you keep the television completely off during the day,
you will see some information about Sept. 11th. Already many
television stations have announced some of the types of shows
they will be showing-commemorations, historical shows, patriotic
shows, documentaries, and so forth.
Don't just leave the TV on. Choose programs that will provide
the information or experiences that will be educational or
healing experiences for your family. Think about including
programming geared toward your child's age and level of
development. Talking with your child about the programs you
watch will help you to connect as a family and clear up
confusing information. This is an important time to talk about
safety, war, peace, forgiveness, and many other issues.
The Sept 11th terrorist incident was very
upsetting to my child, how should I handle the upcoming
anniversary?
Talk with your child when she seems interested, letting her
finish her thoughts and sentences. It may be tempting to finish
them for her, but hearing all that she has to say shows that you
value her thoughts and feelings. If you are too busy to give
your child your full attention, set a time when you can talk and
listen comfortably - and keep the appointment.
Talk openly and honestly while keeping in mind your child's
age and level of development. Young children, especially, can be
frightened by too many details. If your child was born before
the September 11 events, keep in mind that your child has very
different developmental skills now than she did back in 2001.
With children of all ages use language your child can understand
and don't be afraid to say, "I don't know" if you don't know the
answer to your child's question. Let your child know that
sometimes things happen that are confusing to adults, too, and
reassure your child that you will always try to keep her safe.
Talk with each child individually, if possible. This helps to
meet their different needs for information and keep any one
child from taking over the conversation.
Are there appropriate ways for our school
to commemorate the Sept 11th terrorist events with school-age
children?
Although it is important to honor those who were lost that
day, it may be most helpful for children to focus their energies
in a positive way. For example, activities that promote
patriotism or that recognize the importance of police and
firefighters may be appropriate activities. Another idea would
be to focus on activities that would help make your community a
better place, such as planting flower gardens or forming a
recycling drive. This is also a good opportunity to discuss
diversity, tolerance, and discrimination.
Should our pre-school do anything special
on the Sept 11th anniversary?
It is important to answer children's questions if they're
curious, but remember that these events probably happened before
they were born. Younger children may not have specific memories
of the events, but the anniversary may trigger an emotional
memory. Children are also affected by their parents' emotions.
For both of these reasons it is possible to see some signs of
stress in children. It is also important to keep in mind with
children this age that graphic details may be disturbing. Even
an overheard comment from one teacher to another can activate a
child's fears. If your pre-school would like to plan an activity
consistent with other commemorative events, keep it simple - you
do not need to address the specific events that happened.
However, you may plan a day where the children learn about
firefighters, police officers, or other civic leaders. Or you
might present activities that emphasize that everyone is equal,
even though no two of us are exactly alike.
Staff at our child care center are worried
about how the children in our care might be affected by the
September 11 anniversary. What might alert us to children who
are distressed by what they see on television or hear from
parents or older children?
Children don't always have the verbal skills to identify or talk about what's bothering them. The best way to tell how children are feeling is to watch their behavior. Young children respond to distressing or frightening events in a variety of ways. Some signs of stress in young children are:
- Behavior the child had outgrown-thumb sucking, toilet accidents, bedwetting, or relying on a security object such as a blanket or stuffed animal.
- Aggressive behavior
- Withdrawn behavior
- Acting out the stressful event in play, using aggressive play themes, or drawing pictures of the stressful event
- Clinginess with parents or teachers; difficulty separating from parents
- Moodiness, fussiness, or tantrums
- Physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomachaches; changes in appetite or sleep patterns
- Resistance to routine events such as meals, nap or
bedtime.
It is important to keep in mind that many preschool-age
children show these behaviors from time to time. The key thing
to look for is a significant increase in the above behaviors or
behavior that is not typical for the particular child.
Who can I talk to about other questions
regarding the 9-11 Anniversary?
One of the important ways that parents can cope with all types of stressful situations including issues related to the Sept 11th Anniversary is by seeking help from others.
ParentLink at the University of Missouri provides a Warmline that is answered by professionals who are willing to talk through stressful issues: http://extension.missouri.edu/parentlink/.
In addition ParentLink can help parents deal with issues
related to discipline, sexuality, special health needs and much
more. You can reach ParentLink by calling 1-800-552-8522 (M-F,
8:00 am - 5:00 pm) or by sending email to
parentlink@missouri.edu
What are some resources and activities for
parents and teachers to use during Sept 11 anniversary events?
Helping America Cope. This updated guide
contains information and activities to help parents and children
cope with the anniversary of the September 11, 2001 terrorist
attacks, and will assist with fears and feelings in the wake of
the attacks, the ongoing war on terrorism and continued
terrorist threats. The book is designed for use with children
6-12 years of age, however many of the activities have
effectively been adapted for use with older children.
http://www.7dippity.com/other/op_freedownloads.html
Dealing with the September 11 Tragedies: Helping
Children Overcome Prejudice
http://extension.missouri.edu/parentlink/Terrorism/Prejudice.htm
ParentLink's Tips for Helping Your Children Deal with
the September 11, 2001 Tragedy
http://extension.missouri.edu/parentlink/Terrorism/TragedyTips.htm
Talking to Children About Terrorism and Armed Conflict
by Judith A. Myers-Walls
Here is an excellent summary of research and practical
suggestions about talking to children about war and terrorism.
This is good resource for educators who want to understand about
the most effective ways to work with children on these issues.
This article was written after the 9-11 terrorist attack on the
World Trade Center.
http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pub/2002w/myers-wall.html
Terrorism and Children, Judith A. Myers-Walls
This is a collection of resources and ideas about helping
children deal with war and terrorism in general. This may be
most helpful as background material for teachers.
http://www.ces.purdue.edu/terrorism/children/
Last update: Friday, August 29, 2008
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