Feature Article
What Can Be Done Before Saying “I Do”?
Nina Chen, Ph.D., Human Development Specialist, University of Missouri Extension
Research shows that unmarried men and women expect that
they will have life-long marriages. However, today's
dating culture can make it difficult for singles to
achieve that goal. In particular, studies show women are
more pessimistic and less confident than men about
finding the right marriage partner.
Don’t rush to get married. The National Center for
Health Statistics indicates that 59 percent of first
marriages between couples who are 18 years old or
younger end in divorce within the first 15 years,
compare to 35 percent of those couples who marry at age
25 or older. If you think you have found the right
person for you, there is no need to rush. It is very
important to get to know each other well before saying
“I do.”
These questions can help you and your partner
consider and discuss marriage:
- Why am I getting married?
- Why am I choosing to share my life with this person?
- Is this the right time? What has brought me to this point in my life?
- Are there concerns or support for my welfare from my parents, friends and coworkers? How do I feel about their apprehension?
- Is this a good choice for me? Have I compromised my values and beliefs because I think things will be better if I’m married?
- What is my level of commitment? What changes do I expect to experience after the wedding?
- Will I be able to discuss problems and options with my partner? How do we manage conflict together?
- Will we communicate openly to reach a compromise or agreement without involving violence or put-downs?
- What are our future goals and dreams? How many children do we want? How will the roles and responsibilities be divided?
- How much money will we save each month? Who will handle our money?
- What kind of marriage relationship do I want? How happy am I in this relationship?
You and your partner should take time to slow down.
Think through and discuss these questions and issues
that you may not have considered during your courtship.
It’s important to take the time to prepare for a
lifetime of togetherness.
References:
Hill, M. Before You Say “I Do.” Ohio State University
Extension, 2001.
Sabourin, S. “Personality and marital adjustment:
Utility of the five-factor model of personality.”
Journal of Marriage and the Family 61(1999):651-660.
Surra, C.A. & Hughes, D.K. “Commitment processes in accounts of the development of premarital relationships.” Journal of Marriage and the Family 59(1997):5-21.
Last Updated 05/12/2009
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