Tips for surviving the holidays after divorce
Nina Chen, Ph.D., CFLE, Human Development Specialist, University of Missouri Extension
After a divorce, the holidays can be difficult, stressful and challenging for parents and children. The holidays may bring up some old memories that can make everyone feel hurt, sad, angry or disappointed. After a divorce, everyone in the family needs to make adjustments during the holidays. Whether children will adjust well or not depends on how well parents adjust to their new roles and new holiday visitation schedules. In order to make the most of the holiday season for the children and themselves, both parents need to plan ahead to avoid scheduling conflicts, arguments or misunderstandings.
Here are some suggestions to help establish lasting memories for your children and yourself:
- Make detailed plans to avoid confusion so that parents and children
know exactly what to expect. Make sure children know where they will
be spending the holiday. If changes need to be made, discuss with
the other parent as early as possible.
- Create holiday traditions with your children. If children are
not with you for a holiday, find positive ways to enjoy the holiday
- Avoid using holidays to compete with the other parent. Focus
on your children’s needs and set realistic expectations.
- Teach your children the meaning of giving and sharing. Buying
expensive gifts is not a way to get a child’s love. The gifts children
need from parents are time, attention, unconditional love and emotional
- Communicate with the other parent openly. Work with him or her
to decide who will take the children on which holiday. If you have
more than two children, don’t split them up. Let them be together
to help them feel secure and connected.
- Be aware of your children’s feelings, and encourage them to express
and talk about their feelings.
- Take care of yourself emotionally and physically. You need to develop a good support system and put your past behind you to be able to have joyful and fulfilling holidays.
Last Updated 12/16/2014