Features
Ordinary Magic: Families that Beat the Odds
Robert Hughes, Jr., Ph.D., Former Professor, Department of Human Development & Family Studies, College of Human Environmental Sciences, University of Missouri-Columbia
What makes one family recover from great tragedy and another come apart? What strengths does a parent find that cares for a disabled child and nurtures her abilities? Why do some children living in dangerous neighborhoods thrive in school while others are drawn to hopelessness? These are complicated questions with complicated answers. And while our scientific understanding of resiliency in families is far from complete, we do have an outline of the strengths of families that overcome the odds.
We have all heard heroic stories of children and
families who lift themselves from catastrophic
situations and tragic circumstances to lead lives of
promise and hope. In recent years social scientists have
begun to untangle the stories of resilience.
"Your child has cancer," says the doctor. A parent's
nightmare: the diagnosis of a fatal disease. Bewildering
and unfair, but why don't all families fall apart and
become overwhelmed by this diagnosis? Resilient families
faced with childhood cancer rapidly mobilize and adjust
to get the needed medical attention. In two-parent
families one parent often assumes primary responsibility
for caring for the child who needs the medical attention
and hospitalization while the other parent cares for the
siblings and household. But resilient families caring
for a child with a critical medical condition are not
rugged individualists on their own. They report extended
family members providing respite care and support. They
report finding anonymous donations in the mail to help
deal with the huge bills. Coping effectively with
childhood cancer means finding family strengths and
support from others.
The setting is a high-crime neighborhood where shootings
and drug-use is common. Poor single mothers head most of
the families, yet there are kids in these families who
are succeeding in school and staying out of trouble;
what helps make these children resilient? You might
think that the answer to this question has something to
do with a child's unique personal qualities, but there
is growing evidence that children whose single mothers
practice "no-nonsense" parenting involving high levels
of monitoring, support, and involvement are less likely
to be aggressive or delinquent. Also, when these
children are in school classrooms that are highly
organized, have clear rules, and participate in a
variety of school programs there is an even greater
possibility that they are doing well. Children who beat
the odds against them have parents and teachers that
provide love and firm guidance.
The remarkable finding from this research on resilient
families is that it is common family, school and
community factors that make a difference. In a review of
this research, Ann Masten, professor at the University
of Minnesota, concluded that resilience does not come
from rare or special qualities but from the everyday
magic of ordinary processes that occur in families and
communities.
Perhaps this Thanksgiving we should give thanks for the
ordinary processes of sharing hopes and fears with those
closest to us. Maybe we should think about the ways that
we play and work together that remind us "we are all in
this together." What if we all shared one special story
of how we have found hopefulness and meaning in the face
of adversity? No one knows what the future holds; all of
us will face challenges and difficulties. It is a
comfort to know that the powerful tools we have to face
these challenges are within our reach.
Last Updated 05/05/2009
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