Features
Effective and Successful Parenting
Godwin S. Ashiabi, Ph.D., former Human Development Specialist, University of Missouri Extension
Making mistakes is part of parenting, but we have to learn from them to become successful parents. Research on successful parenting summarized by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) suggests that being a successful parent means being effective, consistent, active and attentive. As an effective parent, your words and actions influence your child the way you want them to. A consistent parent is one that follows similar principles or practices in words and actions. An active parent participates in the life of his or her child, and an attentive parent pays attention to his/her child’s life to know what is going on. According to the NICHD research summary, parents have to respond, prevent, monitor, mentor, and model behaviors in day-to-day parenting activities to become successful parents
Parental Responsiveness. It means not only giving
your child attention, but ensuring that you are
responding to your child, not reacting; and that your
response is appropriate to the child’s age, the
situation, physical and emotional needs of the child,
and not too late. To respond appropriately also means
that you take some time to think through things before
you speak, do anything, or make a decision.
Build a strong but flexible bond of trust between you
and your child; a bond that can stand up to difficult
times, but flexible enough to survive changes. As a
parent, ask yourself do my words get across what I am
trying to say? Do my actions match my words? Do I know
the reasons for my child’s actions or behavior? Am I
being a consistent parent?
Prevention of Problems. Prevention involves not
only saying no or stop, but spotting possible problems
before they arise, and knowing how to work through
problems. To be able to spot problems you have to be
involved in your child’s life. Being involved helps you
know how your child usually thinks, feels, and acts and
will help you to notice when things begin to change.
Also, set realistic limits and enforce them
consistently, and create healthy ways for your child to
his/her express feelings.
Know how to work through a problem when it arises, and
understand that each problem is different, and how you
solve them may also differ. If you feel overwhelmed talk
to other parents, a friend, or relative. Admit when a
problem is more than you can handle alone or requires
special expertise, and get outside help.
Parental Monitoring. As a monitor you pay
attention to your child and his/her surroundings,
friends and peers. You also ask questions, make
decisions, set limits, and encourage your child’s
positive choices when you aren’t there. To be an
effective monitor means being able to determine and know
who your child with is; where your child is; what your
child doing is; when your child will be home or leaving
home; and how your child will get there or get home?
As a monitor, open lines of communication when your
child is young and keep them open. Tell your child the
thoughts and ideals you value and why. Know what your
child is watching, reading, playing, or listening to.
You also have to ask “I am being flexible?”
Parental Mentoring. A mentor is someone who
provides support, guidance, friendship, and respect to a
child. As a mentor you help your child learn more about
him/herself, how the world works, and his/her role in
that world, and you also support your child as he/she
learns.
As a mentor be honest about your own strengths and
weaknesses; your child can benefit from hearing about
your mistakes. Respect your child’s thoughts and
opinions without judging them. Support your child’s
interests and strengths, but don’t force things.
Introduce your child to things that you like to do. This
is a useful way for your child to learn more about you.
Also, try not to be judgmental of your child.
Parental Modeling. Being a model means that you
use your words and actions as examples that show your
beliefs, values, and attitudes in action for your child
every day. As a model you may want to: "do as you say
and say as you do" because children want to act like
their role models, not just talk like them.
You also want to show respect for other people,
including your child; be honest with your child about
how you are feeling; make sure your child knows that
being angry does not mean not loving; and pinpoint
things that you wouldn’t want your child’s role model to
do, and make sure you aren’t doing them. Some thoughts
to consider: are you being a positive role model? In
sum, be sure your words and actions match, and that you
are being honest with yourself about your own actions.
Adapted from NICHD/NIH (2001). Adventures
in parenting: How responding preventing, monitoring,
mentoring, and modeling can help you become a successful
parent. Washington, DC: National Institute of Child
Health and Human Development/National Institute of
Health.
Last Updated 10/02/2007
 |
Site Administrator: |
|
|
|
