Relationships Quick Answers
I am a single parent. The person who my toddler-aged daughter considers to be her other parent is my former partner, who has no legal or biological ties to my child. My daughter and my ex love each other and I allow my daughter to spend full days alone with him/her. What is best for my daughter in terms of visitation or overnight arrangements?
There is no simple answer to this question. Even though
your ex is not a legal or biological parent to your
daughter, it sounds like he/she plays a parental role.
Research tells us it is important for children to have
ongoing, supportive relationships with both of their
parents. It is also important for both parents to be
involved in as many of everyday caregiving activities as
possible (feeding, playing, discipline, bathing, putting
to bed). Also, the more cooperative you and your ex can
be with each other, the easier the situation will be for
your child.
For young children, it is important to minimize
extended separations from either parent. This means
frequent contact with both parents.
Regarding the possibility of overnight visitations
with your daughter’s other parent, the research findings
are mixed.
- Some researchers believe that overnight visits for young children are problematic because of the disruption of the child’s routines and the separation from the parent who is the primary caregiver. This may cause some anxiety for the child.
- However, equal numbers of researchers believe that overnight visits are important for fostering a close relationship between the child and the noncustodial parent, which is very important for the child’s development. So, there is not a clear answer about the effects of overnight visits on young children.
There are a number of factors to consider when making a
decision about custody/visitation arrangements. These
include:
- Child’s temperament
- Child’s age
- Amount of conflict between you and your ex
Situations that expose children to high levels of
conflict (beyond the typical level of conflict that can
be expected for divorced/separated parents), or put
children in the middle of conflicts can have negative
effects on development.
The following resources may help you in deciding what
is best for your child:
- Divorce and living arrangements for children
- GH6600 Helping Children Understand Divorce
- Helping Infants and Toddlers Adjust to Divorce
- Mom’s House, Dad’s House: Making Two Homes for Your Child, by Isolina Ricci, Fireside Books.
References:
Lamb, M.E., Sternberg, K.J., & Thompson, R.A. (1997).
The effects of divorce and custody arrangements on
children's behavior, development, and adjustment.
Family & Conciliation Courts Review, 35, 393-404.
Solomon, J., & George, C. (1999). The effects on attachment of overnight visitation in divorced and separated families: A longitudinal follow-up. In J. Solomon & C. George (Eds.), Attachment Disorganization (pp. 243-264). New York: Guilford Press.
Kim Leon, Ph.D., Former Assistant Professor and State Specialist, Human Development & Family Studies, Human Environmental Sciences, University of Missouri Extension
Alison Levitch, Human Development & Family Studies Graduate Student, Human Environmental Sciences, University of Missouri Extension
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Last update: Tuesday, August 26, 2008
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